That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
