watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
