I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sarcasm needs its own font
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
