yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
