Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
