I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
