the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
