I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
