I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
