I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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