I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
