I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize