I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
