Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
