Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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