Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
