Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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