hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
