i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
