I'm eating all of the evidence.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
