i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
