I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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