just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
