Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
