yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
