Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
