I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
