Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
