who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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