Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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