If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
