exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
