I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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