Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
