Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
