Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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