How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she woke up with a sticky ear
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
