woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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