I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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