You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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