He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
