WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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