The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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