did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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