Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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