this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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