dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
