i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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