Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
