id be glad to
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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