he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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