found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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