my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
