I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
