soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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