The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My bed smells like the plague
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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