Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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