sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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