Whats the glycemic index on semen?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
