Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
