If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
