? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
