he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
