there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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