if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
