So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
