Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
