everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
