Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
