I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize