Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
