I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
