I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
