i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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