Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
