i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
