hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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