he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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