I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize