I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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