so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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