Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
