You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize