if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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