Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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