My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
did i just pee glitter
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