Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
