I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
