I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
