Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
