I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
