Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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