In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
