"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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