doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
