i just google imaged poop.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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