Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Couch. On fire.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
