Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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