Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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