a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
