Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
