I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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