I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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