I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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