honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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