Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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